As parents of children who have experienced early trauma we work hard to notice and be curious about their behavior. This is how we can put behavior into the context of our child’s story. When we understand the meaning and communication of behavior, we know how to respond in a way that is helpful and regulating. You are sending your child off to be with another set of adults all day and if you are anything like me you might be worried that they might not have the same perspective on behavior. We know that when we engage with curiosity, we are more able to consider the root of a behavior and be open to different ways of responding. So how do you ask a teacher to be curious and notice what’s happening for your child?
We have found that the Parent Teacher Communication Template is one way to support teachers in observing to understand behavior. You can use this tool to help your child’s teacher focus on a few responses that you know might be problematic at school. It was designed to be straightforward to fill out, so that it does not requiring a lot of additional time from your child’s teacher/EA. We have made this resource fillable so you can print it off for your child’s teacher or send it electronically.
This tool also eliminates the end of the day check ins with teachers which can often be challenging as you are catching them at a hectic time. Sometimes what you are given is more of a general report where the highs and lows of the day are averaged out. Although it may seem unnecessary to focus in on the details, it is very helpful to be given an update on specific behaviors. All behavior is communication and for children who have experienced trauma, it is often the seemingly small things that can cause their bodies to respond in extreme ways.
Noticing and tracking your child’s dysregulation at home and at school is a great way to proactively set them up for success. It is so important to unsure that your child’s distress is seen, so that they can feel supported. The Parent Teacher Communication Template is something you can focus on together when you meet with your child’s teacher early in the year. It allows you to observe progress over time and discover patterns of behavior.
Not only does this method provide you with information about how your child is managing throughout their day at school but it also encourages you and your child’s teacher to view the behavior through the same lens. When you are considering questions like: How many moments of their day are they in distress? How many moments are they regulated? It shifts the conversation from good behavior and bad behavior to regulated and dysregulated. This is a helpful perspective that will naturally pair together dysregulation and empathy. When we no longer see it as a “bad” behavior, we are able to empathize with the child’s fear or discomfort and offer strategies that meet that need.
Hello (classroom teacher, EA, principal, resource teacher, etc.),
My child has experienced food insecurity in his early years and as a result often feels anxious about being hungry or whether there will be enough food available for him during the day. Rest assured he is well fed at home and will always bring ample food in his lunch kit for the day. In spite of having enough, he may still feel anxious which will lead him to ask for food multiple times throughout the day. It’s important as his parent for me to monitor this behavior. It would be so helpful if you could note how often this happens and when, how distressed he appears and how it is resolved. I’ve attached a Parent Teacher Communication Template to make it easy for you to keep track. I think this method will help you and I work together to find ways to support him that aren’t shaming and help him feel safe at school. When he asks for food, the best response is to redirect him back to his lunch kit and allow him to choose between eating something now or waiting until the next break.
If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know. Thanks in advance for your support.
Sincerely,
Parent
As you begin navigating your way through this school year, we are thrilled to be offering our annual Back to School Workshop to help you learn more about your child’s needs, build skills to advocate, make connections with other parents and walk away with a plethora of resources! Whether you are supporting your child to enter school for the first time, or you have been doing this for several decades, this material is valuable. Just like our children need refreshers with the material they haven’t been focusing on all summer, you too can benefit from a time where you can really reflect on where your child is currently at and what they may need this year.
Life is Busy! It can be difficult to set aside time to really walk through all the important aspects of your child’s lived experiences and consider how you can work with the school to best support your child. This workshop is a wonderful opportunity to focus without distractions! When you register for the workshop, you will be given access to a long list of resources ahead of the workshop date which may be helpful for you to review as your child is entering school this Fall.
By Meagan VanDiermen
